The Big Black Moth || Fear

The big black moth and me. Me holding a food cover as my shield and a tennis racket as my weapon. My sister was in my room asking me if I killed it yet. Unfortunately, I’m not the killing type. Poor moth has a life to live, a purpose, going into other people’s house and scaring the poop out of them… to help them fight their fears of course! It’s a silly thought, but it makes sense.

In the process of waiting and thinking and staring at this ‘enormous little’ moth, a still small voice told me “Do not fear, for the Lord is with you” and I kept repeating this to myself, telling the Lord “Okay okay, I’ll do it” but the more I get closer to the moth, the more I see how big and scary it is. I backed out and apologize to God for the lack of trust. “Why does it have to be so big?” I whined.

The Lord was testing my faith, and I knew that- but I was just focused on the moth. Man, that’s one huge fly. Anyway, I think God knew that I wouldn’t be able to trap the moth so He brought daddy home just in time. And you know what? He calmly took a small plastic bottle, cut it into half and trapped the moth, covering the bottle with paper, opening the window, and setting it free. It was that simple. For dad, the big black moth was simply nothing more than a small black fly.

Dad was aware of it’s size, he must have been scared at some point. But somehow he knew that it had to get out of this house and flee. As I pondered on this little incident, the big black moth resembled fear. Who of you have big black moths in your life? and how did you conquer it? or are you yet to…?


I Can’t Speak In Front of People… Cause I Cry Instantly.

Proverbs 12:25
An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

It was only today when I figured out the reason to all my crying and my awkward conversations with people. It was both frustrating and embarrassing… confusing too. Whenever people would ask me to sing or talk in front of  a person or crowd, I cry. Whenever I try to share a story or testimony, I cry there too! And whenever I am asked to lead the prayer for either somebody or for simple things like food, I still cry… And it makes me question my faith in God. When I cry in front of people before I share what Christ has done to my life, they think it is “tears of joy”. I felt sad, disappointed and frustrated with myself. I wanted to share the word of God, but not like this! I want to be confident, I want the words that come out of my mouth to flow like a continuous river, and cry whenever I feel God’s power and His awesomeness. But not because of fear.

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I don’t know why but somehow, I have a good feeling. I feel that, through this struggle I could help those who encounter the same problems- if it is God’s will. But I hope and pray that someday, I could overcome this fear with the help of God. For now, I will continue to pray and just wait for His right timing. I would like to thank the Lord for giving a supportive, God-fearing, fun, and awesome sister in Christ, Eloisa G. 🙂 She really helped me get through my problems and I know that I could count on her. She’s available not available all the time, but God is! 24/7. So when encountering problems… Go to Him! He will NEVER fail you! 

Are you Willing to Take the Risks?

I joined the dance/tambourine practice again for I wanted to glorify the Lord in many ways (even though I am pretty bad at dancing) and also because I have been drifting away again. I start to pray less. and I feel like my boat swayed too far (if I would describe it in a poetic way). So, I joined the dance practice, and like before, I had lots of fun! Remember the quote I made?

Whatever you do, when you do it for the Lord, NOTHING is boring.

Credits to: Wikimedia

Credits to: Wikimedia


After the practice, me and my friend were following our Aunt to her car [she   was our ride home], and as we were following her, we came across a poorly dressed and diseased man, who is obviously in need of help. He outstretched his hands- gesturing that he needed money- and showed the circle-looking lumps on his legs. Seeing this, I felt sorry for him, and made a move to get money from my bag (which was only 6 AED). As I was struggling to get my money, I looked back at him and saw him give a sly smirk which made me slow down and feel fear of what might happen, so you know what I did? I just passed by him and gave him nothing.

My friend kept talking about how bad she felt for the man and that she could’ve helped him if only she had money, and then I felt this small pang of guilt ringing in my stomach. The thought of helping him kept on nagging me over and over and over, and I thought ‘I should’ve helped the man, even though he was a fake beggar or a real one- I need to learn how to love and touch his heart’

When I reached home, we had a bible study and our topic was about LOVE and the Secret to Kindness (40 days of Love by Rick Warren). Somewhere in between the topic, the word “FEAR” caught my attention. FEAR.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Sometimes, we have these FEARS of being killed, or the thought of being kidnapped, etc. and these fears, hinder us from kindness, from love. And sometimes, we just ignore the people in need because we think that, if we stay out of their problems, we wouldn’t be reminded of our own brokenness.

You have to be willing to take risks and think of others, before yourself. But then, at the same time you have to be aware and use your common sense. For example, it is the middle of the night, and a man is begging for help- who knows- he might have a gun in hand- so the most humane thing to do is call the police or call some friends who could help the man, do NOT do it by yourself. But if it really is an emergency and you have no signal, Do what you can, when you can and TAKE ACTION. 

Until now, I feel like I have disappointed the Lord, that I could’ve helped the beggar. But now that I have learned about Love and Kindness… I am willing to take the risks. The question is, are you?