College & Updates on Life!


(Check out my new blog: mary4christ.wordpress.com “Little me & a Big God”)

Hey! I know its been a long time I haven’t posted anything and I deeply apologize. Life has been quite busy and quick and, in other words, dramatic and crazy. But God has definitely been good in my life. And by the way, I’m in college now! I enrolled at CEU, Manila taking Pre-Dentistry as my pre-med to become a proper dental student. So yeah, there are lots of ongoing changes in my life right now and surprisingly… I’ve been doing well, which makes me even more confident of the Bible verse, Philippines 4:13 “I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me.” and He very well did!

At the age of 15, being pampered and very, let me stress it again with bold and italic letters, very dependent on my parents, going back to my hometown to study and (hopefully) survive without their presence is very daunting to imagine. I mean, they’re only going to stay here for 1 month to guide me through, but then for the rest of the years (6 or more), I’ll be on my own. Then again, I’m not really on my own because, believe it or not, God had EVERYTHING planned out. From the flight home to my schooling and studies- everything was so perfect, even if we haven’t seen it laid out in front of our eyes, everything just comes to place right in the very moment. God provided for everything! Believe me.

Okay, so I haven’t told you this story (because I apparently haven’t updated you guys about anything- sorry about that), but I also enrolled to study in UST to take Nursing, which was a blurry choice of course for me to take- well so is dentistry- ANYWAY (going out of topic), I passed the exam ~ with flying colors! Haha kidding aside, I passed the exam but failed the interview. Which by the way, was held at Skype at Feb 14, 6am which was on Valentines day- isn’t that cool for my very first interview? I wasn’t so sad about not passing, and I trusted God that He had a better plan- but at that time, that was the ONLY school I enrolled in and basically, it would be considered late to enroll into any other school for that matter.

Long story short, I am now officially an Escolarian (what they call their students here at Centro Escolar University) and I am proud to be one! I stay in a dormitory with my 3 roommates, one of which includes my best friend, Shayne (who’s been my bud for 3 years). I can say that the dorm and the school is very secure and well managed. #blessed! And believe it or not but, college is fun and exciting… I’ve made new friends, this and that. AND I didn’t experience any cultural shock or any BIG changes, though externally there are quite many big changes in my life- but no doubt, my God has kept me stable. There are times when I feel out of place (or what we call, OP here in the Philippines), because most of the students are older than me and have already experienced drinking, smoking, and partying. But I’m totally fine with that- with all the things that the Lord has provided for me, I’m pretty sure that He will provide true friends as well 🙂 Another thing I’d like to address, is my need for familiarity. Though I didn’t experience any culture shock, the need for something or someone familiar constantly– how do you say this– it feels ouch and sad. Yeah, that’s how It feels. I just miss my friends, all my church-mates, my sibs, classmates, etc. I just miss them all. I miss Grayham as well (my rabbit), and the smell of the beach and the fresh air. No offense Philippines, but the air, if you haven’t noticed, smells polluted. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the Philippines, especially the people- and I do somehow prefer it over Dubai (don’t be too shocked), but it isn’t exactly the cleanest and safest country out there. And many would agree. To put it out more kindly, its a progressing country.

I haven’t found a church near the dorm yet, but I do attend a Christian church in Pacita which is probably an hour and a half away from the school. I don’t mind, as long as I get to attend the service. You have NO idea how important it is to have friends who will help you and guide you spiritually in your life. The fellowships we have at church is like no other get-togethers. They’re the ones who will encourage you and strengthen you in your journey. With this in mind, I started searching for small community churches near Mendiola while I was still abroad. I’m left with none at the moment. But then again, the Lord will provide.

My relationship with God is improving. I get to spend time with Him more than I did back in Dubai and I’m reminded of Him more as well. I feel very grateful and thankful for what He has done in my life this year. Most especially when I go to church on Sundays… I get overwhelmed and start to get teary eyed because- just because haha. I must admit, though I do take the time to read His word and pray every night, I never really savored it. Get me? I’m always either too tired or too stressed to actually just be in the moment with God. I’m always in a hurry reading the Bible, to finish one chapter just to ease myself from the conviction I get, “SPEND MORE TIME WITH GOD.”  No doubt, I need Him. College is a whole new level. More tests and quizzes. You’ve got the “tests of Faith” and the “Who Am I?” quiz. See what I did there? Haha! 😀 funny… funny…

There’s more where that came from and I’d love to tell you guys every single detail. Man, there’s a lot. But I’ve got to study for my quiz on Botany tomorrow. Hohoho God bless you, mah luvs! ^^

When my Heart Doesn’t Burn for God…


My Heart Yearns to Burn for Christ

May ~ June 11, 2014

School’s ended a bit too early for me, though I must admit I had prayed so much for it to end, yet I still feel a deep void within me. My situation? I’ve lost my passion. I haven’t really lost it, I just feel like I did. Of all the things I’ve gone through, I find this the hardest to deal with. I find it impossible to not hunger for the Lord. He has done so many wonders in my life, He gave me so many beautiful things I don’t deserve, showed me a glimpse of Heaven through His creations, and because of that one touch of His love, He changed me… But my desire for God is like a roller coaster, it just goes up and down, but never stays up where all the beauty could be seen and admired. I expected to have an exciting vacation filled with missions and glorifying praise for the Lord! But it was when vacation started had I felt the loss of purpose and growth of boredom. How do I turn this Holiday, into a Holy day?

I hoped this feeling would go away the next day, but it just grew worse and worse the more I waited. I felt no passion and no burning desire for God, though I continued to encourage other people despite my situation, I didn’t feel God’s presence at all. I felt like I had just wasted my time… I recall my aunt say,

We should pray even if we don’t feel like it. PUSH! Pray Until Something Happens.

It was a simple command to pray, but ignoring your emotions isn’t. I can’t count how many times I had dismissed my prayer time for my own desires or just plain laziness, but has God ever dismissed my requests? No, He listens and he answers. I know this, because I have witnessed it. Then why at times do I feel like He’s not there, when I know for sure He is? Here’s a thing we should all remember, our feelings our unreliable. Our feelings change all the time, we can’t rely on it. But our God and His word? it will never change. Our identity is based on the bible, God’s word, and not our emotions. Makes sense?

To be honest, I asked for this. I recall telling God, “Lord, you are so amazing! I will never drift away again! Test me, test my faith in you! I could handle it, for I know that you wouldn’t give me something I couldn’t carry”, I imagined God smiling at me, shaking his head in amusement and saying “Okay my child, but there will be a time when you will drift away… don’t worry, I’ll never leave you”. I practically shook my head at this, “No, Lord, I will never!”  How could I? I love you all too much to turn my back. He was right though, I did drift away, but He didn’t. 🙂 I prayed this because I wanted to prove myself to God, which reminds me of Peter and the Rooster…

 (Luke 22:33-34) But he said to Him, “Lord, with You I am ready to go both to prison and to death!” Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.” and yet again, He was right! Amazing isn’t it?

But why would God allow this? What’s the purpose of trying to connect with God when He simply allows me to feel like He’s not even there?

What’s faith when we could FEEL God all the time?

And that basically answered it, God answered my question with another question haha. Man, there are lots of proof that God exists, yet why do I still doubt? Well, its human nature. But we have a perfect God who will never leave us, who will never give us up. He loves us. And I keep saying this because I KNOW it, I have felt it, the feelings just kind of vanished though- but I’ll keep fighting for that, you know why? Because once you have felt that LOVE of GOD… you will never be the same again. You will yearn for it. 

How do I fight the wall that’s keeping me from God?

Never give up. You have to exert effort in this. I know I did, I had to. It’s easy to just give up and drift away, but once you do that- there will always be that missing piece and no other person or thing or even angels could fill. Only Jesus. So what I continuously do each day is that when I wake up in bed, I put God first. No matter how much I want to pick up my phone and check my notifications- it would only make me feel discouraged and disappointed. So, put God first. He will never disappoint you. You just have to be persistent, grab His attention! Check this out…

(Luke 18:1, 7-8) Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly…

So I tell you now (including myself), be persistent. No it doesn’t annoy God as I thought it would, instead, it grabs His attention and He sees what’s in your house- sorry, I mean heart. Haha, I wandered off a bit over there. Anyway, see my point? I know its easy to just stay where you are and stay depressed and discouraged and just wallow in it (because after all these times you’ve carried this for so long, and now its turned into your comfort zone- and no matter how ironic this is, its true) but I tell you now, that unless you do something about it, surrender, and be right with God you will never be able to fill up that missing piece in your heart.

I wanted God to surprise me, to give me a job to do, to use me…

That desire to be used… it always stuck. I always wanted something big to happen, for God to surprise me. But its been so long and nothing happened. I became discouraged and lost hope. But you see, I should be in content with what God has given me. If I ain’t content with the small things in life, then what about the bigger things God has in store for me?

Every time I wake up from bed, I have this discouraged and sunken feeling like “Oh! its another same old day… yippie.” but again! I have to tell myself over and over that I shouldn’t cater my feelings. I shouldn’t feed on it. I shouldn’t trust my feelings ’cause it changes every time- but God doesn’t! No matter how low I feel without that passion in my heart- everything would just stay dull. I read the bible everyday, I try to give my time to God, I talk to Him in every moment I remember Him- I just want to feel Him there. But, nothing. No audible voice. No visions. No dreams. No, nothing. And its really frustrating but it doesn’t shake my faith at all- I know and believe that there is still a God out there, listening to me. That’s my comfort. And this is what I advice you to do, after this very long post, this is finally the conclusion to all the things I have just said…

Do everything, and I mean everything you can to feel and ignite that connection between you and God. Fight for it! If its singing, reading the bible, praying- just do whatever it takes. Even if it only lasts for a moment. I just couldn’t get over it.

You could never get an overdose from the love of Christ. Never.

And I just love to write… I know random- but writing out my feelings is like my way of connecting to God. I seek Him and the questions I have in my mind makes me want to get to know God more and more each day. And just writing it down… God somehow, in His own wondrous way, gives me the answers to all these questions as I continue to just write and write and write to Him and to you guys. Paul is right…

For, “Who can know the LORD’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16)

Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did. (1 John 2:6)

This is a pretty long post- or at least for me… haha! but I just really felt this one in my heart. And I really want to encourage all of you to, NOT give up on the Lord 🙂 He never gave up on you. That’s all for now lovelies ❤ God bless you all!

Typing My Thoughts Out loud #1


I do not own this picture

I do not own this picture

 

Even as a Christian, there are still thousands questions that are left unanswered- but sometimes, it’s best if they were. Though I may not understand much about God, I still believe in Him. Lots of people may ask why and I guess I’m not too sure myself . I’m not the most intelligent person in the world- which is kind of a good thing because intelligent people think a lot and I mean- A LOT and I think that, that leads them to question God(?) about a lot of things, things that if unanswered would lead them not to believe (?). I don’t know. But a lot of famous scientists are very religious and I doubt that they- maybe? I don’t know- I’m just typing my thoughts out loud that I’m not even sure what to think. I mean, I can’t judge a person, I don’t know what they’ve been through or anything. Anyway, let me get straight to the point… what leads Christians to believe in God?

1 Peter 1:8
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,

In my experience, I don’t even remember the first time I accepted God as my Lord and Savior, it just went along as I grew with Him in my heart. And I love my relationship with God. I believe in Him, I believe in heaven and in hell, I believe in the unseen God, I believe in love, and man! This might turn out as a credo- but seriously, what makes us believe in Him in the first place?

This is a mystery that I don’t mind having no answer to, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask would it?

Thank you so much! God bless ya’ll! ❤

The Man who Left with Treasures.


Matthew 19:21

Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I do not own this photo

I do not own this photo

Me and my dad spotted a black cat sitting on a dumpster. As we sat there watching the cat, a young looking man grabbed our attention. He held two, large plastic bags in his left hand and the other hand to collect things from inside the bin. I watched slightly interested at how he poked his head in the garbage bin, trying to search for something. I continued to observe this man with my dad, trying to know what he was looking for. It was then that we found out, when the man held out two small cans and shoved it in one of his plastic bag. It was also then when I found out that he was collecting those cans for money, and it was then when I figured out that, that was how he could earn them.

I suddenly felt pity for the man. I felt the urge to help him collect those cans, give him money, hug the man (no matter how unclean he is), and I even thought to myself ‘Even though the man might hate me, or might be rude- I don’t think it will ever banish the feeling that I am feeling right now’. I actually like this feeling- not ‘pity’ but the feeling that I am describing to you right now. The urge to help. Kindness. Love? Maybe. I like feeling this feeling. It makes me feel like I am… not heartless.

“Even if he fill those plastic bags with cans… do you think he’ll spare enough money?” dad asked, breaking the indescribable silence. I just shrugged to dad’s question, not knowing the exact answer. We stayed silent for a few minutes, still watching the man. “Do you think God will bless him or reward him for his perseverance?” dad continued suddenly. I shrugged again “I guess, It depends on his intentions…” I said slowly, thinking if my answer was right. “But God is a good God” I added and dad just nodded, saying “May the Lord guide him to the right path…”

After a few minutes, I was typing down what just happened on my phone so that I could share with you guys (like what I’m doing right now) while the man was still there, collecting cans. All of a sudden, dad opened the window of his car and called out to the man whilst handing out some money. I don’t know how much and after debating with myself, decided not to ask him. But either ways, I felt proud of my dad and I know God is too. The young man thanked my dad and left with two bag full of cans and dad’s gift.

“He left darling…” my dad said softly as he watched the man leave “with treasures.”

I faced my dad, my heart filled with awe and admiration. I then told to myself that I’m going to be just like my dad one day. I looked at the man once more. “He’ll get his own money from the hard work he gets, not by just asking”

We left the place and drove home, we spotted the same man, still collecting cans from a different bin. “He’s still there, he’s not stopping” dad observed. I smiled, he was a really hard working man. I start to wonder if he had a family of his own.

I felt so much ‘feelings’ for the man- and if I said this to my friends, they might joke about and tease me- but I’m serious here guys. I do not know what God wants for this man, but I hope and pray that he will see the Lord’s goodness and greatness and love for him, and that he may do the same…

Greasy hair and Oily face- Surprised at Birthday!!


I just finished my birthday yesterday and let me say was it FUN! Honestly though, the first 5 minutes before my birthday started, I felt alone, like nobody was gonna be there for me on my birthday… Only thing I didn’t know was that God had a plan, and boy was it a good one 😀

Happy Birthday to Me! <3

Happy Birthday to Me! ❤

July 22, was a really magical day. It was the date of my birth, the day filled with laughter, the day of my Aunt and Uncle’s wedding anniversary, and the day of my Grandmother’s 86th birthday and guess what? she still wore the exact same shirt she wore at our birthday party last year…

I had LOTS of surprises! A baby American Chinchilla rabbit (I named Grayham) that mom and dad bought me… I’ve always wanted another rabbit, especially after Maggie died… she was the best friend I have ever had. Anyway, when dad and mom bought Grayham, I was kind of worried, (cause they might’ve brought a sick rabbit or a baby who hasn’t been weaned) but he was alright, I guess. He’s the size of my palms, which means he might be 3-4 weeks old (which is still quite young). His poop is not normal looking, they’re brown in color and oval in shape (no, they are not cecals- but something I think might be worst), I am guessing Grayham has “cow-poop syndrome” and I am very worried about that. But before I bring him to the vet, I’ll see what I could do at the meantime. But he is just SOO ADORABLE! Very soft and quite tame, he’s still a bit skittish around humans though. He might have cow poop syndrome, but I am definitely NOT gonna bring him back to the petshop, it’s HORRIBLE in there. (If you wanna know more about Grayham, I’m gonna post a page about him… or her) Anyway, I’m out of topic again… what were we talking about? Oh yeah!

I had LOTS of surprises! The baby rabbit- which I already mentioned AND… *clears throat*

The door bell rang and I expected it to be my mom’s friends coming in to celebrate, who knows? I was actually at the verge of being surprised by my buddies! I suddenly regretted not putting on some shampoo…

We had tons of fun!

We went swimming… and we went swimming! It was AWESOME xD Bwahahaha I’m getting crazy right now! *breathe in… breathe out* As I was saying *clears throat* We had TONS OF FUN! God really has a way of making a person happy. Oh! and if you’re wondering how old I am… I’m now 14!

And now, if you’ll excuse me, Imma go play with Grayham. God bless!

Psalm 90: 14

Surprise us with love at daybreak; then we’ll skip and dance all the day long.

At night, I cry myself to sleep.


- Gabrielle (sister)

– Gabrielle (sister)

Only few of my friends and family know how much of a drama queen I am, and usually those who know a lot about me could see through my tom boyish and tough appearance. They know I am very (emotional and physically) sensitive and they don’t find me… ‘daunting’ or at least thats what most of my friends thought of me when they saw me for the first time. They found me, intimidating; tough-looking; hard to deal with; scary eyed; etc. and I actually laughed at this, do I really look that… scary? cause, I don’t think I do.

Well maybe that’s why its hard for me to make friends? Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of friends. Close friends, geeky friends, mother-like friends, happy-go-lucky friends, frenemies… but best friends? I think not. Well that depends on my idea of the word ‘best friend’. If I see them as funny, understanding, knowing, sharing-secret-looks… then yes, I have best friends. In fact, I have a lot of best friends. But no, thats not all, I want them to be with me forever. But I never have any friends that are with me “forever”, they all come and go. Or maybe, thats not what I want?

I don’t know what I want.

All I know is that I just want to have a friend.

And you know who I think of? JESUS. He’s the only perfect best friend, He has the answers to everything, He knows you, He loves you, He understands you. He’s always there for you. But sometimes- no scratch that- most of the time, we never really acknowledge His presence, and thats why we get the tendency to feel lonely.

I admit, I cry EVERY night- and I know thats quite dramatic- but I cry every night, asking for God to give me a friend, to be there for me. I ask Him if He could hear me, if He could hear my prayers, when will they be answered… if they’ll be answered at all?  Thing is, I already know the answers to these questions. Lord, can You hear me? Yes He can. Can You hear my prayers? Yes. When will they be answered? Someday. Will they ever be answered? Yes and if not, then God has something better in mind.

Sometimes, I ask Him to hug me and sing me to sleep, and I imagine His voice, booming with power yet soft as the wind. Such a wonderful God…

And after re-reading this, I noticed something… I don’t cry myself to sleep- I PRAY myself to sleep and there is nothing more better than to have a nice talk with God as He listens to the voice of His child.

PS. mom and dad? If you’re reading this, I’d like to have some alone time with God 😀 but if you “insist”, feel free to join us.

Psalm 18:6

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears

Me and Shopping?… Nah.


11:08 May 24, 2013

image

I went to the mall with my mom and her friend to shop for… unfortunately clothes.

One thing I learned was that the shop “Splash”, sucks. The music. The clothes… Sooo not me.

Bershka, Forever 21, and New Look on the other hand are malls I would most definitely go to, if I had the choice to choose, well, of course you can choose, Mary! Obvious!

I never really go to the mall to shop for clothes unless mom tells me to. Soo, this is quite new to me. Besides the fact that I am a picky person, most of the clothes I like are expensive, BUT rare. My mom would buy them for me in a flash, mostly because she loves me, and also because it takes FOREVER for me to choose something that I like.

If you see me in the mall, I might be searching for books to buy, having a night out, OR forced to get some new clothes. Shopping is exhausting man! The soles of my feet are practically burning from excruciating pain! and you might say, “Oh Mary, your over exaggerating yourself” Nooooo. I am not.

It really huuurts man! Like literally. No kidding. Buuut I cant say it wasnt worth it. You see, God always has His wonderous little ways. One thing I love about Him.

At the end, I got some red velvet cupcakes (My favorite) and a delicious warm coffee (just how I like it). Ahh, my tummy was really satisfied. I got my new dress and I’m happy.

Now, I’m just sitting on this coffee shop with my family and their friends, typing this short diary up, and waiting ’till I get home for me to post this on my blog.

I’m feeling a little floaty right now, and what I mean by floaty?

Happy & Contented.

Sigh, God really knows how to make my day… I mean, evening, since its not morning anymore. Well, obviously.

Oh Mary, you never seem to amuse me.

Oh shucks, you flatter me, conscience.

Uggh, Im talking to myself again, people would think I’m crazy…

Well, I’m not exactly talking am I?

What they dont know wouldnt hurt them, would it?

Scoff, it will!

Uggh nevermind. Have a nice day… Night.