The Big Black Moth || Fear

The big black moth and me. Me holding a food cover as my shield and a tennis racket as my weapon. My sister was in my room asking me if I killed it yet. Unfortunately, I’m not the killing type. Poor moth has a life to live, a purpose, going into other people’s house and scaring the poop out of them… to help them fight their fears of course! It’s a silly thought, but it makes sense.

In the process of waiting and thinking and staring at this ‘enormous little’ moth, a still small voice told me “Do not fear, for the Lord is with you” and I kept repeating this to myself, telling the Lord “Okay okay, I’ll do it” but the more I get closer to the moth, the more I see how big and scary it is. I backed out and apologize to God for the lack of trust. “Why does it have to be so big?” I whined.

The Lord was testing my faith, and I knew that- but I was just focused on the moth. Man, that’s one huge fly. Anyway, I think God knew that I wouldn’t be able to trap the moth so He brought daddy home just in time. And you know what? He calmly took a small plastic bottle, cut it into half and trapped the moth, covering the bottle with paper, opening the window, and setting it free. It was that simple. For dad, the big black moth was simply nothing more than a small black fly.

Dad was aware of it’s size, he must have been scared at some point. But somehow he knew that it had to get out of this house and flee. As I pondered on this little incident, the big black moth resembled fear. Who of you have big black moths in your life? and how did you conquer it? or are you yet to…?


I Can’t Speak In Front of People… Cause I Cry Instantly.

Proverbs 12:25
An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

It was only today when I figured out the reason to all my crying and my awkward conversations with people. It was both frustrating and embarrassing… confusing too. Whenever people would ask me to sing or talk in front of  a person or crowd, I cry. Whenever I try to share a story or testimony, I cry there too! And whenever I am asked to lead the prayer for either somebody or for simple things like food, I still cry… And it makes me question my faith in God. When I cry in front of people before I share what Christ has done to my life, they think it is “tears of joy”. I felt sad, disappointed and frustrated with myself. I wanted to share the word of God, but not like this! I want to be confident, I want the words that come out of my mouth to flow like a continuous river, and cry whenever I feel God’s power and His awesomeness. But not because of fear.

tile gray

I don’t know why but somehow, I have a good feeling. I feel that, through this struggle I could help those who encounter the same problems- if it is God’s will. But I hope and pray that someday, I could overcome this fear with the help of God. For now, I will continue to pray and just wait for His right timing. I would like to thank the Lord for giving a supportive, God-fearing, fun, and awesome sister in Christ, Eloisa G. 🙂 She really helped me get through my problems and I know that I could count on her. She’s available not available all the time, but God is! 24/7. So when encountering problems… Go to Him! He will NEVER fail you! 

Casting Your Worries & Anger Away (testimony)

I’ve felt a lot busy this time around, I turned into a worrywart in just 1 month, I easily anger, and I basically drifted away from God. Today I got so stressed and so angry at my sister (just because she didn’t want to eat) that I screamed at her so hard, I have NEVER screamed like that in my whole life. I was so filled with rage that it scared me. I cried- a real cry that includes loud sobbing and lots of tears. I missed God. I needed Him. I felt like a monster that it hurts so much. I was so filled with rage I even imagined doing something really bad to my sister. And that scared me- to the point that I felt like I was about to turn crazy. Please pray for me. I was really scared, I just needed to get out of it and give some of my time to God, I’m letting it all go… it hurts so bad, you know? So, I’m letting it go and just leave everything to God. If you are feeling what I am feeling right now- here’s a short story that might help 🙂 God bless ya’ll! 

No time for God:

No Time for God- Part 1
No time for God- Part 2

Letting Go Of Anger

Madolyn now stays cool in situations that used to send her into a rage.
Madolyn Cavazos as told to Karen Langley
I do not own this picture

I do not own this picture

What did you say?” I glared at the other waitress.

“You heard me,” she shot back.

It was true. I had heard. She’d made a racist comment about my Mexican family.

“If you have a problem, we can talk in private, not in front of the customers,” I said icily.

I felt my temper rising, but I kept calm. Then she pushed me on our way to the break room. I warned her to quit, and she pushed me again. My anger exploded, and I punched her in the face.

The manager fired both of us on the spot. Without a word, I grabbed my keys and marched out of the restaurant. She deserved what she got, I thought as I slammed my car door.

My temper hadn’t always been so explosive. In eighth grade, it took all the courage I had to stand up for a girl who was often teased. From that day on, the bullies picked on me instead—at lunch, in the hallways and after school.

A group of girls followed me home from school almost every day, calling me names and shouting rude comments about my Mexican heritage. I took the abuse without saying a word. But inwardly, my heart screamed. I felt scared, ashamed and angry.

When I started high school, I made friends with some of the upperclassmen on my softball team. They warned the bullies to back off. With friends behind me, I found the courage to stand up for myself. One day freshman year, I overheard a couple of girls gossiping about me. I yelled and swore at them and warned them to get off my back. My intense reaction surprised me. I guess all that built-up anger was bound to spill out sooner or later. Pretty soon, my fiery temper earned me a reputation as someone who wouldn’t take bullying from anyone. I started talking tough and even got into a few fistfights.

Even though I was a Christian, I hadn’t allowed God into this angry part of my life. Then something happened to change all that. At youth group one Sunday night, two guys got into a shouting match, and one of them shoved the other to the floor. The next week, they stood in front of the group and apologized to each other, to us and to God. One of the guys read Proverbs 22:24 (NIV): “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered.”

The words hit me like a blow to the gut. That verse is talking about me.

And what was it saying? Don’t be friends with angry, hot-tempered me. I thought about the fights … the people I’d yelled at … being fired from my job. I thought about a guy from school who had made a rude comment to me a couple days earlier. I’d backed him against a locker and warned him never to mess with me again. What kind of person have I become?

The next day at school, I took my seat next to the boy I’d threatened. When our teacher passed back some homework, I handed him his paper.

“Thanks,” he said.

“You’re welcome.”

My friend at the desk ahead of mine turned around and stared at me in shock. I felt stunned, too. Where did that come from? Normally, I would have antagonized the kid for at least a week. After class my friend asked me what the deal was, and I told her something had happened at church to change my attitude.

I’ve noticed a lot of changes in my life these days. I’ve even tried to say I’m sorry to people I’ve hurt with my anger. I also have been biting my tongue—something I never used to do. I find I’m able to stay cool in situations that used to send me into a rage. In spite of all the positive changes, I still get angry and swear sometimes, and I feel frustrated and wonder if I’ll ever get things right. I know if it were up to me, I wouldn’t. Thankfully, it’s not. I know Christ is working on my heart to change me little by little from the inside out.

Did anybody feel an earthquake today?

I was sleeping in the school bus, a very nice sleep, but before we continue about my very nice sleep, just to make it clear, no I did not feel the earthquake. Which is quite a bummer and a relief.

When the bus reached home, lots of people were outside, which made me confused since they… did what they do inside. So yeah, I left the bus and saw my mom picking me up which was unusual… Then she mentioned ‘earthquake’ and I was like ‘Say what?!’ but I just said that in my head.

Its kind of rare for Dubai to have these kind of… incidents. Like floods, hurricanes, etc. which is why I found it quite weird, yet I found it quite exciting as well since this is the first time I would experience it. But at the same time, who would want to experience such a tragic happening?

It makes me wonder how powerful God is… but then again, He did make the whole universe! Who am I to compare?

2 Timothy 3:1

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.

Matthew 24:44

Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.

Photo credits: Eddy Tan

Photo credits: Eddy Tan

March 12 2013

I am the monkey on the runway.

I swing in the vines of the hollow tree, swinging for life or death.
Running away from the hunters I see, running out of breath.

Drowning in my flood of thoughts and questions I have forsaken,
Remembering that one time when in my dreams, I’ve been awaken.

My mind has thought too much about the past that I grew lost,
In the center of the runway, I somehow felt star-crossed.

If I have been mistaken, a loud noise I could hear, a bright light blinding my eyes, so I scream in fear.

Pain shot throughout my body and I cry in pain,
“Oh dear Lord, Help me!” I say in vain.

The pain no longer evident, I felt warmth surge through my body, and then, I rest in peace…

– Mary Pacis

Credits to: Leanne Guerrero (for randomly writing the title “Monkey on the runway”)

This is me – MFDYP


This is me by Mary (MFDYP)
When you sense the fear of saying something wrong.
You Stutter and open and close your mouth.
When your shy and scared of being bullied.
When your getting bullied all along.
Oh Lil’ girl open your mouth and shout to the world your free.
Oh Baby its okay to be scared, but you should crush the fear away, and shout to the world “This is me”.
When your lost and cant find your own, way home.
And a random person shouts that your all alone.
Compose yourself and dont let your anger out… Cause your better than that.
And when you feel yourself breaking down. Alone. Scared. Spinning around. Dont forget that He‘ll keep you safe and sound…
Chorus. (2x)
Hey guys! Im soooo freakin’ happy because I am able to complete a song! Yay! Im gonna be recording it and posting it here someday or somehow so be sure to be updated! I had the inspiration to write this song, because my mom was a little disappointed in me for not speaking up for myself. I was in a bus stop telling the bus driver directions to my house and I ended up getting lost, I decided to just follow the person closer to my house because I was embarrassed, then this random dude shouted “OMG you dont know your own house?!” and I just wanted to break down at that point and punch his face, but I was able to control it, No I didnt count to ten, but I thought, “What would God do?”… So I made this song 🙂 Hope you guys like (The lyrics for now).

My story of me being a Christian (the start of a new life)!

My family were talking about their reaction when they went to the ACC church for the first time (we were non believers BEFORE)
Anyways, first of all, I was wondering why everybody was raising their hands, singing and stuff like that and some are even dancing, everything was so new to me…
So there was this part of the church called kids ministry (I was so mean and grumpy that time), so all the kids asked me if I would want to join, and yes I did (which apparently was very good of me cause this is where the story starts), okay so I made new friends in the church and then, it was finally time to start learning about God [cause that’s what’s the kids ministry is for]. So then, we started listening, I didn’t feel anything yet, but it really inspired me about God and stuff and that being a Christian doesn’t have to do anything about religion, but about God, the next day, everything seemed so normal and stuff (people are still raising their hands, singing, and dancing with joy for the Lord), my mom and dad made new friends, especially my sister, and we start calling each other brother and sister (because now I know that we all come in the family of God) and then I started joining the singing and dancing and it changed me, I am not the mean,grumpy ol’ girl anymore, I am the new kind sweety pie I guess> ? 😛

Anyways, there’s always a first step to everything 🙂 so, God bless!!!
PS. I became a Christian on 2009 (born again)